Subject: Doggie Conspiracy Date:Sat, 29 Apr 2000 17:20:23 -0700
From: "Bennett, Taylor"
So here's the vast conspiracy I inadvertently uncovered. It goes to the highest levels, I tell ya: Last time, you remember (about six months ago), our hero (me) was driving through semiindustrial, semiresidential Emeryville on my way to the equipment shed of the company I work for. I take a left off San Pablo Avenue onto Ocean Avenue, and within 1 block I see three giant identical dachsund heads sitting on a flatbed truck, parked next to a Nash (maybe a '56 or '57, I'm not sure) in someone's driveway. The dachsund heads are wearing chef hats, and I'm thinking, "why do these giant dog heads look familiar?" Then, I sort of remembered seeing them in a Zippy cartoon strip, and I think the Nash was in one, too. I also think I remember something in the paper about these big dog heads that were signs for a chain of hot-dog stands, and how some people want to save the last one in San Francisco from being taken down. I called my brother back east (who's a Zippy fan, like me) and tell him about this weird scene that can't be coincidental (the big dog heads parked next to a Nash), and we're speculating about the Zippy Connection and wondering whether maybe Bill Griffith himself might live there. I told him I'd take a picture and send it to him, but of course I didn't get around to it. Over the next couple of months I drive by this house in Emeryville every once in a while, just to see what's up with the big dachsund's heads. I haven't seen the Nash there for a while, but one day I see that one of the giant dachsund heads has been mounted on top of the house. Okay, so it's either Griffy's house or the guy is some kind of Zippy nut, right? A couple more months go by and I'm at work talking to a senior level hydrogeologist (I'll call him Al) , who also happens to have attended the Burning Man festival a few times. He's built a full-size trebuchet, which is a siege engine similar to a catapult, but more powerful and accurate for hurling things like dead cows, watermelons, or TV sets at your enemies. While I'm talking to him, I see two nicely framed photos of the giant dachsund head wearing a chef hat on the wall of his office. I told him about the house in Emeryville where I saw three of these same things on a flatbed truck in the driveway, and how someone mounted one of them on top of his house. He tells me that they're the signs for the Doggie Diner, and how they're a sort of cult icon that people want to hang on to. He tells me that one of our technical editors (I'll call her Sue) knows the guy with the Doggie Diner heads in his driveway. Al tells me I should go talk to Sue about him. I go over to Sue's office and she's in a meeting with our senior editor. I say "Hi, Sue, I hear you know something about the guy who has the giant Doggie Diner dachsund heads at his house in Emeryville." She looks at me kind of funny and says, yeah, and we start talking about it. Of course the senior editor thinks we're both crazy, and I explain a little about the dachsund heads and Zippy to him. A little later I got an e-mail message from Sue, with this web address. It proves my theory that there really is a vast conspiracy going on here. They must be stopped, I mean, encouraged! There's a couple of photos in there of the house in Emeryville adorned with the doggie heads. Do what you can to protect yourself, before it's too late!